Sunday, July 19, 2009

I got photographs today that have my twins names written in the sand. Simon and Alexander. Somehow, it seemed urgent to frame them, and put them up right away. I put them in a double frame, the kind with two windows, because they belong together...they were twins. They came to us on different days...almost a month apart from each other. Alexander on April 22nd...Earth day, and Simon on May 28th...a surprise to us all.

I put the finished photos in the frame with matting, and began to look for a perfect place to put my new treasure. The treasure that was filled with all the beauty of sunrise and babies names scrawled in the sand. Two different moments in time...holding hands.

I walked slowly all around my home...sometimes taking down another photo or painting to see if it would seem appropriate to replace it with a memory of our twins. No...not here...not there...not right over in that spot...didn't fit in this spot...too high...too low...too out of the way...too in the way...
I stopped in the living room. Stopped frozen, my heart pounding. WHERE could I put them? I couldn't find a place...I couldn't find a place for them to fit. The air closed in my throat, and my eyes filled with burning tears that quickly trailed down my cheeks. I could hear my husband and my 13 year old playing music together only a few feet from where I was standing...but I was a million miles away.

I quickly walked downstairs with the photos in their frame clutched tight to my breasts and made my way to the bedroom. I sat on the bed and sobbed...I sobbed and gasped for air because I couldn't find a place for my babies. There wasn't any room for them in my home.

I heard the door open and my husband asked my what was wrong, explaining that our son had seen me leaving the room with tears in my eyes holding the picture.

"There isn't room for them...I can't find any room!!"

He took the picture gently, and sitting there quite for a moment, he smiled and held it up over the head of our bed, and said lovingly, "We will make room...we will scoot and build and grow until there is room for them...Look...they fit right here. It's o.k...they fit here perfectly."

I looked at the spot he had chosen. It was true, they fit in our bedroom, where they were made by the love that my husband and I have burning within us for each other. They fit in our hearts. There is room for them. There will always be room for them.

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