My angels...
Gone too soon.
Is it true that six months have passed since the nightmare of losing you began?
Alexander...birthed on Earth day; April 22nd....Simon...taken on the 28th of May..a month of hiding inside....holding on....
why!???!???!???
We would be having so much fun--if only you had stayed.
How I wish you had stayed.
I cannot seem to find a way to feel like it was "good" that you left.
No way to feel like the positives and the blessings are better than had you been allowed to stay. There HAVE been blessings and positives in SPITE of losing you...
but not because of losing you.
I cannot make sense of the "WHY!!!" that screams in my chest...even six months later.
It is stuck in me....that "WHY!!!"
and there are no answers.
My angels.
How I wish you were here.
Angel wings as gifts....as reminders....
you were here...once.
and it mattered. YOU mattered. you always will.
My angels.
I love you.
I stand beside you screaming why as well! Why you? Why me? Why our beautiful babies. Why?! Why?! Why?!
ReplyDeleteThere will never be answers, and yet we ask anyway, don't we? In a manic and unrelenting way we ask because a mother's heart can't rationalize something so terrible, because there is no cause, or purpose, or gift so great that it would ever justify losing them. People say "everything happens for a reason," there is no reason worthwhile of such grief and loss.
I am so sorry that your precious little ones are not here. I am so sorry that they are not making the milestones that they should be making and just bringing loads of joy to your entire family. I am so, so sorry.
I read your comment on Once A Mother (hi!) and had to stop by your blog. I lost my fifth born child in May. I feel so deeply as you do, that who am I to grieve when I am blessed with my four - but of course I do miss our George. And now I see you are also an OESD family. Wow. No wonder your words struck a chord for me! We had Duncan dog for nearly 12 years and now we have Albert Einstein sheepy. I just posted about what a blessing he has been to our family through this terrible journey of babyloss. Sending you (((hugs))) from beautiful BC on Canada's West Coast.
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