Tuesday, February 23, 2010

A gift of open hearts

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my husband?

I probably have...but....even so, it just seems appropriate to express it again. I love my husband beyond my body's capacity for love. I sometimes feel that I might burst at the seams from the immensity of feeling that fills me when I think of him.

When he isn't home, I find myself remembering the first time he opened the door, and I saw him there. It was his eyes. Blue, warm, smiley eyes. Eyes that drank me in, and knew me in a glance. I think of his hands...strong, smooth, capable hands. I think of his smile...his wisdom...his grace...his humor. I hear his musical genius, and his strong voice. I, admittedly, think of the strong lines of his athletic body and how it carries him, like an eagle, through his life.

This is a man that helps others in pain. A man that nourishes others. Plays with his children. Cherishes me.

This is a man that spends early morning moments before the sun rises in prayerful contemplation, and communion, with his twin spirit sons, Simon and Alexander in order to begin his day with them. In order to find his center, so that he can help comb out the tangles of other peoples minds...including mine.

This special man, author, therapist, artist, dancer, musician, athlete, shaman, intuitive healer...has been holding my hand...my fragmented broken self...with love for 15 years.

He has loved me without question. He has been supportive, and nurturing. He has never judged me for being plump, emotional, internally doubtful. No....he just loves me.

He sees me.

This weekend, we took a walk, and then, went to the mall to get a fruit smoothy to share. We were walking by a jewelry store when he suddenly pulled me inside.

"I've been wanting to get you this..." he said with a smile. He pointed at a circle filled with united hearts. Two big ones, and two smaller ones. "You see...it looks just like the card I made you when we lost Simon and Alexander. It is you, me and Simon and Alexander....and..it's ALSO our five living sons...all of it, in one wholeness within the wholeness....Do you like it?"

I nodded...and held him close.

I've been wearing it ever since.

You know, I've been really sad. I'll probably be sad on some level forever. But right now...at this moment...I feel really very lucky. I have such a loving,tender man to share my life with. Our living children are amazingly dear, I have such wonderful dear doggies to cuddle...and Simon and Alexander...they can't hold my hands...but they will always hold my heart.


  1. I love your pendant, it's beautiful! I love wearing my memorial jewelry, it feels good to have something close to your heart like that :) I am so gld you have such a sweet and supportive hubby, it really helps a ton. Thanks for your sweet comments on my blogs, I am looking forward to getting to know you :) I am also so sorry for your loss of your beautiful twin boys. Hugs, Nan

  2. The pendant is beautiful. I am so sorry you lost your twin sons. I cannot imagine the pain of losing two babies.xx

    (ps I have twin sons almost 4, born 22 months after I lost my firstborn & daughter to stillbirth ...you don't have to visit my blog I just wanted to comment on your pendant)


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