"you have to be strong..."

I've been reading "be the pack leader" by Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer.

I've been reading it because my sheepies keep fighting.

and I hate it.

They play and romp like two happy bears outside. No problems...just fun and games.

But....every now and then, they fight like BEARS.

and it is really scary.

I never REALLY know who starts it, or why. Sometimes it seems like food is the issue...or a coveted toy....or just...SPACE. Sometimes it seems like one of them is just trying to be the one on top, the dominant one. They don't fight with our pug, or our basset...or anyone else. No snapping at kids...no growling at me. It's just each other.

And...only sometimes. but...when it happens, it is terrifying.

This morning, it was over the leash. I broke it up. Then, it was over who got to go first through the gate. I broke that up too...and solved the bickering by going first myself. So there.

Then, it was over who got the first drink.

Are you kidding me??

So....back to the book. What does good ol' Cesar have to say??

It's my fault.

I'm not a strong pack leader...so they are fighting over who gets to be the one in charge. They are the same age, same size, same sex. With the pug and basset, there is no issue. They know they are smaller, weaker...no problem. With the sheepie brothers....it's a problem. Ferdinand was here first. He's all around top dog. But, he's not REALLY sure about it anymore. At least...not sure enough to feel at ease about it. Felix is a happy go lucky ruffian. sweet as cherry pie, and in need of major rules. We adore them both. They are like brothers....different in so many ways....and similar too. They love each other...and they also fight.

My husband reminds me that it might have been like this with twins too....that we would have been exhausted from the demand that caring for twins would have been. And that...really...it's o.k..even though it is so hard.

Ceasar says that I have to be a strong pack leader....but...

I'm not strong right now.

My dogs feel it.

I'm anxious most of the time.

My dogs feel it.

Why can't we always just be as happy as we are when it's all working like well greased cogs? When we are in the motion of walking the walk....and loving the moment...why can't it always be like that? Why can't it always be the way it is when they are getting along. When I think to myself...yeah...this is perfectly lovely. This is going to work.

I have to be strong...

but the whole reason I have a service dog (Ferdinand) is that I am NOT strong.

I have to be strong...

but the reason I was swept by the idea of having twin puppies is that I am blown away by grief.

I'm told things will get better.

But right now...

I'm in the dog house.

Because I feel anything but strong.