Monday, August 8, 2011

Peripheral Vision...

I keep seeing it. 

Little lights out of the corner of my eye. 

I wouldn't think twice about it...but..they are purple and gold. 

I saw three crows flying two days ago.  They soared and swooped over the trees and billowy grasses of the Montana field I was in, while my sheepy sheepdog romped with butterflies.  Three crows...and then, they parted ways and one of the crows flew away into the pink clouds of sunset.  The remaining two crows danced together in the remaining light. 

A yellow butterfly landed in my garden last night.  Sucking the nectar from a purple cluster of flowers.

And the lights....I see them all the time.  flickering.  I look around, and they disappear. 

"Simon?  Alexander?  Is that you?"

I remember the birds, all three of them flying together.  I wonder if our little girl...our with our twins.  I wonder if they are staying close by her side, until she makes it into my arms.  I like to think so. 

I like to imagine that they are with her.  That she knows them.  That they are telling her it will be alright, that she is coming to a mother who adores her children with all her heart.  I wonder if she will remember I remember them. 

I see them in the corners of my eyes. 

And I welcome the yellow butterfly.  The satin backed crow.  And...the lights.  I will always welcome the lights. 


  1. Before I conceived Leo I went to my hynobabies 'special place' to be with Isabel again. When I was there I was holding her like I did while I was pregnant with her and preparing for the birth. But there was a little toddler boy with fair hair next to my shoulder stroking her hair. I just knew I would get pregnant with a boy. It was so nice to think their souls were together in myspecial place once Isabel was no longer with us, and Leo hadn't even joined us.

  2. I had visions of Josie sitting behind me on the bed at key moments in the pregnancy with Bella, later on. I felt her there so strongly. Earlier, I'd had dreams about her (Josie) playing in a big hall with this little spark of light circling around her like a firefly - Bella! Also I had a very vivid dream about holding a baby, not Josie but her sister and watching as she changed in my arms from a little tiny newborn to a toddler. :)

  3. I often feel that G is near, hovering in the periphery. It is a strange, sad feeling but comforting too.

    I hope your precious three are together and that Simon and Alexander are looking after their baby sister xo


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