Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A house full of testosterone

My son's sat at the table with melancholy silence this morning as I gave them breakfast.

After a few moments of assessment, to determine if they were simply tired and groggy, or actually down in the dumps, I opted for some questioning... "What's up guys...why the sober faces?"

My 11 year old Sammy looked up at me and said in a dark voice "Today is Felix's last day as a real boy."


I tried to hold back a smile....o.k...I'll be honest...the fact that I didn't start whooping with laughter was a SERIOUS accomplishment.

"Baby...Felix is going to be neutered, but he'll still be a boy!"

"yeah. He'll have a penis...but his balls will be gone. He'll be half a boy."


He continued "He was the only dog we had that was still a real boy. All the others are sort of....not."


I started to explain WHY Felix needs to be neutered. The fact that the fighting we've had to deal with is all about testosterone. The fact that he will feel sad if he can't breed...and that we AREN'T wanting to breed him. The fact that he might try to run away to sow his wild oats (lots of snickers from around the table). The fact that other in tact dogs would be more aggressive to him...The fact that he will be healthier....

and then...from the 13 year old Hamilton "Yeah just kind of HURTS to think about it. You wouldn't understand that part of it. You are ball-less."


O.k...I can accept that line. I don't REALLY get it. I don't REALLY know what it is like to be equip with testicles. No...that's one thing I do not know a thing about from the inside.

They had cheered up a bit though...and were starting to enjoy their homemade egg "Mc Muffins" and orange juice. A few minutes later they were laughing over their dungeons and dragons characters while working on their math books. Testicles temporarily forgotten for the time being.

I started thinking about the interesting phenomenon that occurs in men who own male dogs that need to be neutered. It's really a....sensitive...topic. I thought about how interesting it was that even my 6 year old seemed disconcerted over the concept that ones balls could be removed.

My only concern about it is that Felix be o.k.. I want him to emerge from this surgery healthy and happy. I'd like him to be free from the testosterone that is causing him so many problems in his relationships. He's a wonderful pup! So sweet! So darling...BUT...there have been fights in this home ever since the beginning, and of course, I am blaming testosterone. I don't want aggression in my home. I can't take the stress of it. So off "they" will come!

I reminded my boys that they never need fear being chopped like that in hopes that it would comfort them some.

My 8 year old said "'s called empathy...remember?"


sarcasm AND a vibrant vocabulary.

I smiled. "Thanks for the tip baby."

and then, they all started shrieking and laughing. I turned around to see our pug eagerly licking a happily moaning Oliver the Basset Hounds shlong...and Felix trying to hump Winston the pug while he did this, while Ferdinand lay in the corner in apparent disgust trying to ignore the porn scene before him.

"Good luck with your expectations for neutering mom. It doesn't seem to have worked for Winston and Oliver."

I groaned. " least they aren't fighting though."

"Yeah...Winston's more of a lover than a fighter."


Many giggles followed. Many. Boys will be boys.

Yes...they certainly will.


  1. Your boys are hilarious. And I just love the photo of Felix and Ferdinand playing in the snow! They are amazing!

  2. Hilarious!!!! When I described to our boys about Albert dog being neutered they were incredulous and immediately covered their own family jewels. Must be an innate fear of the y-chromosomes.... Hope Felix has a speedy recovery. xo my friend

  3. haha what a cute post. brought a smile to my face.


Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to add your own reflections.