Under Attack

Most of you may know that my babies ashes are resting in a beautiful wooded gully near my home. It's a piece of wilderness surrounded by homes, protected and wild...full of foxes, deer, badgers, rabbits....even black bear. In the spring, purple and yellow flowers fill every crevice, and long wild grasses grow in abundance near the little stream that flows down the mountain.

Imagine my horror when as I approached it, I heard chain saws. I saw piles of trees, cut down. Big trees...beautiful ancient trees. Killed.

Imagine my devastation to see a team of dirty, ignorant men with chainsaws and spray paint turning my sacred place...into a disaster.

WHY!!!!!???????

Why would they take this beautiful haven and trash it? How could that even be LEGAL?

and yet...

apparently, it IS legal.

They had been ordered by park and rec to do this, to "clean up" the forest.

More like...clean it OUT. What was once a place where I could cry in privacy now is in full view of the road, a bunch of condos, and the school up the hill. I begged them not to cut the little twin pines...I begged them to leave my babies spot untouched. A reluctant man with a chainsaw nodded. He'd leave em...or so he said.

But my gully has been altered. My babies sacred space...my primary place to cry in privacy. Gone.

Littered with piles of dead trees and branches. The deer have fled...the foxes too. It now looks like a park in progress instead of a wilderness stand.

I never dreamed that my private place could be desecrated. We chose that spot thinking it would never change...because...it was precious. How could anyone want to change it????

My babies ashes have been trampled by careless men in big iron toed boots, who spit rudely on their stone with their tobacco stained chew spit.

My eldest son has basically given me the finger as he walks away in his independence in full manic ecstasy, and my twin babies are dead, their resting place desecrated.

I am trying to breathe...but the breath is stuck in my chest. I am trying to remember the sea turtles. I am trying to avoid being hit by the bricks of life that keep flying at me. I am trying to understand the un-understandable.

and now....the sacred place that I find my breath in....is ruined.