Getting some control over life...

It is amazing what a little control can do for your affect. The sky looks bluer, the air feels warmer, cookies smell better and dogs seem fluffier. Of course...all that could simply be that spring is about to...well...spring! But seriously...that can't really be it, because I am in Montana, where winter prevails until at least April...sometimes even June. No....it's the control that's doing it. That is the only answer to this feeling.

Control.

Over what? Well....it may sound silly...but...it is control..over my dogs.

This afternoon, I finally was able to have the dog trainer I've been talking to since early January come out to my house. She had been on vacation, and then I had some schedule issues, and then she did.....and then she went to a dog show...and then.....

she came. SHE CAME!

She walked in with the embodiment of confidence. (the complete opposite of the me I am lately...) She took control of the crazy chaos that has been taking its toll, and she straightened it out....and handed that order back to me, and showed me how to keep it.

Sounds pretty simplistic...but, in one hour, that is exactly what she did. My furry fur balls went from trying to kill each other in the living room, to passively sleeping next to each other in the exact same living room. (side note: though Ferdi and Felix play outside nicely, go on walks nicely, and are sweet to each other in general...they go INSANE in the house, and it is SERIOUSLY vicious, and quite scary. So...I have been keeping them apart in the house to ensure no one gets bit....but that really felt like only a temporary solution to a very volatile problem.

My new trainer explained very kindly that Ferdinand seems to think that he needs to take care of me...protect me. (I wonder why.....oh yeah...because I'm a total mess.)
and that this feeling of protection has created some serious anxiety. He feels that Felix, when he's in the house, is a threat because Felix DID attack him over food when he was still in a starvation state from his old owners neglect. He equates Felix with danger in the house...and attacks him...to protect ME.

After 45 minutes of working with these two smart pups together, Maryelle had given me complete control over two dogs that were NOT even thinking about fighting.

I wanted to cry...but this time...it wasn't because I was sad.

Obviously, this is something we need to really keep tight in the house. The whole semblance of control could be wiped out with a lazy attitude. I have to stay on top of it. I have to be the boss.

I have to be the pack leader.

and that....will require some inner strength.

The thing that helps me believe that I can do it is that they are my twins. They are worth it.

and so am I.

Maryelle will come back next Monday....to check on my progress with them.

I have the tools....I understand what to do....now, I just need to do it.

It feels good to have some control over something.

It makes me feel that there is light up ahead.

What a nice feeling....maybe spring will come early after all.